Waiting for the Bus

Photo by Elizabeth Lies on Unsplash

A: Look, the dude is stopping. We’ve got to get off this bus.
B: I agree.
A: I’m 100% sure this isn’t the bus to Switzerland.
B: I know!
A: I think the dude is driving us to Hungary.
B: Yes! The free snacks were nice, but he said some things that worry me…
A: I think this is the last stop we will be able to get off at. I fear that, after this one, he’s just going to step on it and not stop anymore.
B: I don’t want to go to Hungary.
A: Me, neither.
B: Hungary sucks, man.
A: I know. Let’s get out now!

B: Oh look! There are two minibuses right behind us. And they both have “Switzerland” written on the sign!
A: Are you really going to Switzerland?
D: Yeah, uhm, sure.
A: But this isn’t the road to Switzerland, is it?
D: Yeah, I kinda get that now… I was just following the big bus in front.
A: So are you really going to Switzerland?
D: I think so.
B: Two tickets, please!
D: Are you against abortion?
B: What?! What does that have to do with anything?
D: I know, but… We have a few regulars in the back who bought their tickets early. They are sensistive about these things. They are big fans of…
A: Jesus!
D: Precisely.

B: Screw this! Let’s check out the other one…
A: Excuse me, are you really going to Switzerland?
D: Maybe. How many of you want to go to Switzerland?
B: Just the two of us.
D: Ah. Well, it’s going to cost you…
A: Wait. Why are so many passengers leaving your bus?
D: …a bit more.

B: Look, there’s a van behind we didn’t notice!
A: Excuse me, where are you going?
D: Croatia.
A: Well, I guess we could use a vacation…
D: We’re just going to the border.
B: Why?
D: We’re going to move it a bit.
B: What?
D: Put some sharp barbed wire on it, too.

A: There is another van behind!
B: Why is it filled with old people?
A: Excuse me, where are you going?
D: Who cares? It’s not like my passengers will live long enough to see it. I’m just driving them around a bit. They like being taken for a ride…

B: Look, a big, red bus is coming!
A: Does it say “Switzerland?”
B: No, it says “Scandinavia”.
A: Scandinavia is nice, too, I suppose.
B: Wow, this is one well dressed driver.
A: Excuse me. How much for a ticket to Scandinavia?
D: Free for now, but might get expensive later…
B: Wait a minute! I know you. You robbed me the last time I rode your bus!

B: Another red one is coming!
A: Wow, it’s even more red than the last one. Where is it going?
B: It says… “Magical… Lala Land”?!
A: Excuse me, where are you going?
D: Where you need to be. Away from this unfair world.
A: But… How can you know where we all need to be?
D: I just do, trust me. I know better than you do.
A: But why should we trust you?
D: Because I’m the only honest bus driver.
B: How much for the ticket?
D: It’s free.
B: Free? Forever? For everyone?
D: Yeah.
A: But who will pay for the gas?
D: The rich will pay.
A: Why?
D: They’ll have to.
A: What if they don’t?
D: I’ll throw them off the bus.
A: The rich don’t have to ride a bus…
B: Oh, now I know where you’re going. Where we came from.
A: Yeah, and we’re not going back there.

B: A van is coming. It’s got “Air Slovenia” written on its side.
A: Why is it so slow, then?

A: Hi. Excuse me, where are you going?
D: Brussels.
B: Well, it’s at least the right direction.
A: Why do you have all the turn signals on?
B: And why is there an “L” sign on the back of your van?
A: Are you sure you know how to drive?
D: Yes, we can!

B: Another bus!
A: Ah, finally! Where is it going?
B: I don’t know. It’s plain white and has no signs.
A: Excuse me, Sir, where are you going?
D: Hawaii.
A: Are you really going to Hawaii?
D: Indeed.
A: But isn’t Hawaii an island on the other side of the world?
D: Yes.
A: So how are you going to get there by bus?
D: Look, would you prefer to go to Hungary?
A: No, but…
D: Have I ever taken you in the wrong direction?
A: No, I suppose…
B: But isn’t that because we’ve only just met you?
A: Yeah… Come to think of it, the last new driver made a sudden U-turn.

B: You know, A, I’m starting to fear we’ll be here for a while.
A: I know, B. I know.
B: Well… It isn’t too bad here, is it?
A: I suppose you’re right. I suppose it isn’t too bad here, after all.